Maine Man Sues Family After He Doesn’t Win Powerball Jackpot (Satire)
Travis Hughes of Milford, Maine is fuming after not winning last night's $590M Powerball Jackpot. This morning, he's done what every American apparently has the right to do...he's filed a lawsuit against his family and is suing them for $590M.
"My family knows how much I needed to win that jackpot, and that I was counting on it to settle some outstanding debts," Hughes told this Modern Philosopher this morning when we met in his lawyer's office. "It's their fault I didn't win, so I am holding them legally responsible for my loss of earnings and demanding that they reimburse me."
I assumed that Mr. Hughes had a compelling reason for filing this suit, such as he was about to purchase a ticket with the winning numbers, when his family had somehow prevented him from doing so. I asked him if he could elaborate.
"It's pretty simple," Hughes snapped back with obvious frustration in his voice. "I played my family members' birthdays, ages, and lucky numbers. I didn't win because none of them had the right birthdays, ages, or lucky numbers. Don't you see? It's all their damn fault. They owe me because I need that money!"
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